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I’m not a vegetable-hating man. Quite the opposite, but tonight I spied several items that made me a little concerned for the future of vegetables in general. No, I’m not talking about genetic engineering, since I’m actually one of those nasty proponents of said engineering; I’m talking about something equally frightening and far less practical than antibacterial potatoes..

Bizarro cross-bred vegetables (hereby referred to as Vegetalia) have burst on to the scene like some kind of oddly-coloured rash — they're not GM, just bred that way. It started out with the yellow watermelon. Sure, yellow, it looks like it could just happen in nature, you’d pay it even less attention than seedless watermelon, but green and purple cauliflower is going just a little too far, don’t you think? I’m sure they did very well with the “my kids won’t eat anything that isn’t fluorescent” demographic, but I’m just disturbed. I mean, look at them! They’re right up there with purple cabbage and rhubarb for fuck’s sake!

Still on the subject of genetic engineering, what the hell is Mothers for Natural Law? Natural law? If the Natural Law I know were in charge, half of your precious offspring would be dead before puberty, ladies. If it weren’t for Rubella inoculations and Pine-O-Clean Super-Matic-Antibacterial Spray, the only Natural Laws you’d be concerned with on a day-to-day basis would be death and disease. Think about that before you start throwing your organic tomatoes at the scientists that have made your life that much easier than if you were living in, say, much of Africa.

Incidentally, I’m eating Alice’s Custard and Apple Ice Cream. Yes, it’s custard flavoured ice cream with stewed apple thrown right in there. I can barely describe the taste sensation I’m currently experiencing. It’s that weird.

But good. It’s good, too