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Why men are just happier people

I get this email once every eight months or so —you probably do too— and it never fails to bring a smile to my dial. Enjoy.

  • Your last name stays put.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can wear a t–shirt to a water park.
  • You can wear no t–shirt to a water park
  • Motor mechanics tell you the truth.
  • The world is your urinal.
  • You never have to drive to another service station because this one is “just too yucky”.
  • You don't have too stop and think about which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • Less of the same work, more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • Wedding dress – $4000; tux rental $100.
  • People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
  • The occasional well–rendered belch is practically expected.
  • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • One mood all the time
  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five–day holiday requires only one suitcase.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $8.50 a three–pack.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough (one black pair, golf shoes, one pair sandals).
  • You almost never have strap problems in public.
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothing.
  • Everything on your face stays its original colour.
  • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  • You only have to shave your face and neck.
  • You can play with toys all your life.
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  • One wallet, one colour, all seasons.
  • You can wear shorts no matter what your legs look like.
  • You can “do” your nails with a pocket–knife or your teeth.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
  • You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

There are a few others worth mentioning, too, though most of them are in poor taste. Maybe that’s just me.