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Not as hot and steamy as you’d hoped

A warm, dry iron is about as ill–suited to its purpose as any contraption I can imagine. I know what I’m trying to do with it, and the label confirms that I am indeed supposed to be ironing this item of clothing with a warm, dry iron; but it really does appear to have zero effect. I’m not trying to iron a stick of butter here, people, it’s a shirt! It’s like hammering a nail with a three–pound block of cheese! Sure, the cheese is heavy — it’s even hard to the touch — but it’s Just Plain Wrong™ for the task.

If I weren’t so afraid that my shirts would shrink or melt horribly should I turn up the heat, I’d be steaming the shit out of them right now. Damned warning labels.