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Vancouver

Vancouver, Vancouver… how to describe Vancouver without looking like a tool. Brilliant? no, too British. Fabulous? no, too Queer Eye. Splendid? no, too British again. Superlative? no, too… strange. Bah, screw it, you’re used to it by now; the crass approach is often the best approach:

Vancouver is fucking awesome.

Vancouver is, as I’ve been told, like any major Australian city. Things cost roughly the same amount, there’s some similar architecture, friendly people, availability of kebabs (or ‘gyros’ as they’re called here), strange affections for the Queen… I could go on. Plus, since it averaged 10ºC over the days that we stayed there, it was almost exactly like an Australian city in winter (disregarding the part where 10ºC is a warm winter’s day for Canada and an incredibly cold winter’s day for Australia). So why, aside from my obvious desire to be home at times, do I think Vancouver is so fantastic?

The women folk.

Remember how I kept complaining about the lack of T&A in the states? Well, after Bush got reelected they clearly all hiked up to the border and started shagging your neighbors to the north, because this city is chock full of hotties. Staying downtown, we were also in a very good position to check out the nightlife (there were probably fourteen pubs on our strip) and catch a movie (three or four cinemas, too), which we did whenever the desire arose. Blade Trinity is precisely as Tama put it —the world’s longest iPod advertisement— but otherwise a fun little show. Ryan Reynolds’ badass beard encourages me to grow one of my own, since there’s the whole “insulated from the winter chill” thing to consider, so don’t be too surprised if there’s a period in the photolog where I age ten years or so. Beards make me look old.

Vancouver aquarium was a decent way to spend the day, and frankly a much better investment of twelve bucks than the Space Needle. Plenty of shows involving steller sea lions (not a typo: although they were quite stellar), dolphins, belugas and the like… and plenty to explore. The park surrounding the aquarium, better known as Stanley Park, is also quite pretty… but without a compass and with an overcast day blocking our view of the sun, our ability to navigate was severely hampered. Long story short: we got lost looking for Beaver Lake, then found ourselves again on the way to the Lost Lagoon.

If there’s one thing I must say about Vancouver (or at least downtown Vancouver, Granville street in particular) is that there is a surfeit of porno stores here. You can’t walk fifty feet without passing some kind of adult book store or video store, most with their own 25¢ peep shows (not live girls, we checked), but in the same breath you can’t find a liquor store without crossing six blocks. Every corner deli in the states seems to sell liquor, but here a sixer of beer is an ask–the–concierge–for–directions away; and expensive.

Staying at the first truly laptop–friendly hostel we’ve seen thus far, I took the opportunity to plug my Airport Express into the wall and roam free in the (comfortably appointed) common room. We laughed, we loved, we blogged. Throw in a four–hour videoconference we’d organized with our families (thank you iChat AV) and you’ve made probably our best hostel experience to date; even if spending a few hours talking to everybody made me homesick as hell.

All in all, Vancouver == good. And that’s all I care to say about that.


Whistler

Three hours north of Vancouver by omnibus, nestled in the mountains, is a town best known to geeks for its proximity to the code names of several major Microsoft projects: namely Whistler, Blackcomb, and Longhorn. Whistler Village is the quintessential tourist town —so much so that I doubt there is such a thing as a ‘local’ here— a town where four out of five people you meet in the street or in service jobs have non–Canadian accents, while three of those four are Australian or English. Clearly this is a town where the “G’day, howahya?” pickup line doesn’t wash.

But these things are to be expected in a town that literally only exists because of the mountains. It’s a ski town, pure and simple, and that’s why we’re here.

Unfortunately for us, a recent heat wave has meant that the conditions on the mountains have been somewhat… sub optimal. In a nutshell: it’s icy as hell. And hard, icy conditions don’t bode too well for someone who strapped a snowboard to his feet for the first time only a few days ago. While I’m at least confident enough to tackle some of the beautiful runs Whistler has to offer, my right ass cheek and right shoulder are in serious repair mode and really really don’t want me to hurt them any more. But despite the pain of learning to ride on very firm ground —and the pain of knowing my money might’ve been better spent on hookers or cheetos— I persist. It’s like blowing a grand on a gym membership that only lasts you a week: even if every muscle in your body screams for you to stop, you just have to get your money’s worth.

We’ll be spending Christmas here in Whistler Village, with plans (as best I can tell) to snowboard on Christmas day. Without families or gifts or turkey or a tree, Christmas really feels like it’s just going to blow on by this year… and for the first time I think I’m going to regret that. Christmas is something I normally wish would just hurry up and pass, but since we haven’t watched a lot of TV and haven’t spent a lot of time in department stores during the lead–up this year, I haven’t had the opportunity to become sick of it. A shame, really. The first time I’ve really wanted to celebrate Christmas in years… and I’m 10000 miles from home. So if I don’t get online before the big day, Merry Christmas, and I love you all.