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Three ways til Sunday

Since when was oral sex even remotely taboo? Why the media flurry? Maybe I’m exposing a generational gap between myself and the legitimate media here, but to my recollection oral sex has been considered stark-plum normal for, well, forever. Girls go down on guys, guys go down on girls, guys go down on guys, girls go down on girls; nobody even blinks. And if the out-of-date porno I stole from my old man in the ninth grade is anything to go by, oral sex was as prevalent (and as boring to watch) in the late sixties as it is today.

Frankly I’m shocked that the newspapers are shocked that more than half of the country’s teenagers have given or received a blow job in their lives. Going down on someone is a basic commitment to physical relations without going “all the way”. Dammit kids, you could’ve learned this watching Dawson’s Creek.

Sure, maybe teens need to be better educated that oral isn’t completely risk-free —there is, no doubt, a huge number that believe that you can’t transmit disease giving head because “it’s not sex”— but give them some credit for reducing the risk of pregnancy, they’re using their noggins; better a habitual cocksucker than a teen mother. This is an issue for the education department, it’s not a moral dilemma.

But hey, this is the US of A. Smut is a bigger threat than terrorism.

Now anal sex, there’s some interesting numbers; because even if it is the new black people still see it as a Barbarella’s exotica. As taboo. Jesus, I just named three local strip joints; throw in a Doll’s House and a Red Windmill and I get the set. But people know about the dangers of anal sex, it’s been high on the list of panicky drills (excuse me) since the late-eighties HIV hysteria. Anal sex might be fifty times more dangerous than oral sex, but I’d wager people are ninety-nine times more likely to use a condom during anal sex than oral, and to address Saletan’s question:

Presumably, oral sex is far more frequent than anal sex. But are you confident it's 50 times more frequent?

The answer is yes; I’m entirely confident oral sex is fifty times more frequent than anal sex. I’d venture several hundred times more frequent, actually, and that’s just from casual polling. How ‘bout we all go set up some sex diaries and count for real?

The media need to lighten the fuck up, then go home and surprise the wife.


Things I don’t expect to hear from passersby

As a nerd, and particularly as a Mac nerd, there are certain things I don’t expect the average person I meet to comment on. When a decent portion of your week is spent explaining that wireless internet isn’t actually magical, and that it’s basically the same as the cordless phones they’ve had in their homes for years, you start to work with the assumption that the general population needs a good decade or so to get up to speed. That said, the people I’ve bumped into lately have had a curious awareness of tech.

Oh wow, is that the nano?

After the first few years of “what’s that?” … “an iPod” … “a what?” … “it’s like a walkman for MP3s” … “oh, OK” I lost the expectation that anyone should know what an iPod is. I guess with the batshit-fucking-crazy iPod explosion of ‘aught four I should know better now, but it’s still a little odd to have someone like my uncle —a man who feels the switch from Internet Explorer to Firefox would be too steep a learning curve for him to handle— should know about some gadget that was released two weeks ago.

So I wanted to talk to you about this VOIP thing

My grandfather. Yow. A man in his seventies who I’ve recently declared I can’t support over the phone anymore because it’s impossible to navigate him around Windows verbally (and will instead be looking into VPN solutions, eg- Copilot), and he’s buying VOIP hardware. Bought VOIP hardware.

Hey, that’s a rather minimalist dock.

You’d grant UWA’s Computer Science staff a clue when it comes to computers, but it’s such an embittered-Linux-nerd culture there that I’d sooner expect the “Macintoshes are toys” speech than an I-wonder-what-apps-this-guy-is-using glance over the shoulder. But hey — some guy knew.

Actually, looking at my dock, I suppose it is kind of spartan these days. Speaking with Richard after his interview with David Allen, I became convinced that Mail and NetNewsWire (not to mention IM) were distracting me constantly. It was the urgency of “crap, there are three unread news items, better stop what I’m doing and read them!” that cut into my day, and now that I’ve cut my formerly quite zealous dock use down to just the Finder and Safari —launching others only as required— I feel much better. Liberated, even.

Holy Crusader Against Windows, eh? …So does that make you a Mac person or a Linux person?

There’s something you don’t expect a bartender to ask you. Then again, I used to be a bartender, and if I was serving a bunch of bloggers —one of whom clutching an amusing Award— I would’ve asked the same thing. Strange times we live in.