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Amsterdam

I wish I could dedicate more space to Amsterdam —more words in the weblog, more photographs in the photolog— but alas; it’s difficult to talk about a place like this without messing with everybody’s already–soiled reputations and without damaging your delicate sensibilities. See, I’m doing this for your own good.

In a city where hash and magic mushrooms are sold over the counter in broad daylight, where cocaine and ecstasy are dealt in darkened alleyways by shady fucks in deep hoods, and where all the sickest erotica in the world (read: scat, animals, rape) is on display in broad shop windows for your perusal, anything goes. Hookers dance in the windows of their rented ‘fuck vestibules’ in what must be the most demeaning selection process of all time as doormen yell from the steps of sex theaters to uncomfortable–looking tourists, calling “come on boys, get it over with, live sex show! Next one starts in five minutes, see a girl smoking a cigar with her pussy!”.

What a fucking place.

We stayed in the red light district, which is either a great idea or a terrible idea depending on your taste, and trudged our way through its dodgy streets every night coming home (and coming down) from our daily exploits. There’s nothing so disconcerting as having a tiny Dutch man shuffle up and whisper “cocaine?” into your ear, especially when you’ve been told to fear for your wallet, but you slowly get used to it. The cocks and tits and cum and cunts in the windows start becoming peripheral, and you become desensitized. In short: if you aren’t stoned all the time this place will take your soul. That’s why we’re here, after all… it’s the infamous Amsterdam red light district.

Basically, everything you’ve ever been told about the place is true.

Of course, we did some things that might be considered “normal” for tourists —things like the Heineken Experience and the Van Gogh Museum— but I’ll bring this entry to a close with a few simple words of advice: go and see a sex show, if only because you’ve been told to by more influential people than me to do so, but go with the knowledge that you’ll be watching what is essentially somebody’s mother being fucked by a big fat man. And laugh.