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A promise is a promise

88% of those self–righteous “I’m going to wait until I’m married… it’ll be more special that way” teen abstinence pledgers end up spreading their legs anyway, according to CBS News, because they’re hypocrites… as much as the rest of the moral right, anyway.

As it turns out, people who know nothing about sex tend to know an equal amount of nothing about safe sex, too. The stats on STD contraction for pledgers and non–pledgers are roughly equal; as pledgers are less likely to use a condom when it does come time to disrespect their God and dishonor their parents by getting jiggy with Wayne in the back seat of his Dad’s Camaro.

And I’m not just targeting women here, by the way. Wayne could easily be a girl’s name, so beware. There’s an old saying back where I come from: Fuck early, fuck often, and don’t be a dumbass.

Actually, I just made that up. But it does have a nice ring to it. [via Les Orchard’s decafbad]